Wow! What a couple of weeks it's been! I've been busy stumping and pumping peoples hands to try and get them to vote for me, but my campaign has had some trouble gaining traction. I appeal mostly to cynical, smart-ass teens and disaffected democratic truckers.
Problem is, my name isn't on a ballot. The teens are too young to vote, and the truckers can't figure out how to write my name in. So at this point, I am seriously behind my main competitor, Ron Paul. Curse him!
Anyway, I will be looking for new innovative ways to spread my message. More as I figure out just what ways besides viral youtube ads and payola work.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Bail Out
I got the chance to briefly meet my Congressman over the weekend (if you can call seeing him ride by in a car with enough time to shout a couple words at him "meeting" him.). I thanked him, shortly, by saying "Thanks for voting No!". That was all I had time for. I hope he figured it out - he did a slight double take, then appeared to process the information and come to a conclusion about what I meant. Hopefully it was the right conclusion, as it was the right vote- both times - NO.
No to the bail out!
Or, in layman's parlance, The “Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008”. They didn't even give it a good sounding name, with a catchy title acronym like the PATRIOT Act. I mean, would it have hurt to call it the "BEND OVER" act or the "NATIONALIZING OF THE FINANCIAL SYSTEM" act? I shudder to think of the acronym for that one, though. I guess they didn't have enough time for it.
Anyway, NO! Is how I would have voted, had I been in the Senate or the House. And I would have vetoed the bill, assuming I wasn't the President who came up with it in the first place along with my Wall Street buddies and gotten it introduced. Introduced, and passed, along with the help of a couple of Republicans.
Huh?
Did you all look at the Roll Call? In the House:
Democrats: 172 for, 63 against.
Republicans: 91 for, 108 against.
Over half the Republicans voted no? What happened to the lockstep? Behind the President come heck or high water? Sadly, not enough decided to stay broken with the Prez after the first failed attempt (HR 3997) was voted down:
Democrats: 140 for, 95 against
Republicans: 65 for, 133 against
Interesting numbers.
Senate Numbers:
Democrats: 40 for, 9 against (I am counting Lieberman as a D)
Republicans: 34 for, 15 against
Independent: 1 against,
No Vote: 1 (Kennedy (D-MA))
However, even HAD I been the President that originated the bill, I would have vetoed it! Why? Because the country I grew up in was a Republic! OF the People, BY the People, FOR the People, not Wall Street! Not a sneaky piece of legislation passed as a sudden NEED on the brink of Congress breaking, or the whole economy was going to fall apart. I suggest you read the text of the bill, educate yourself in legalese, because already the whole "point" of the bill has been shifted - the US Government is now going to be buying up stock in banks. Why?
Because the bill allows them to.
We just nationalized our Financial System, My Fellow Americans, and if I was President, I would vote NO!
Er, in the sense that I would veto, since I don't actually have a vote in the Congress (well, except for that of my Vice President in the Senate in case of a tie vote, I will find out what Jill or Coke would have voted regarding that bill).
Vote Ron Paul!
And failing that, Vote Jack!
No to the bail out!
Or, in layman's parlance, The “Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008”. They didn't even give it a good sounding name, with a catchy title acronym like the PATRIOT Act. I mean, would it have hurt to call it the "BEND OVER" act or the "NATIONALIZING OF THE FINANCIAL SYSTEM" act? I shudder to think of the acronym for that one, though. I guess they didn't have enough time for it.
Anyway, NO! Is how I would have voted, had I been in the Senate or the House. And I would have vetoed the bill, assuming I wasn't the President who came up with it in the first place along with my Wall Street buddies and gotten it introduced. Introduced, and passed, along with the help of a couple of Republicans.
Huh?
Did you all look at the Roll Call? In the House:
Democrats: 172 for, 63 against.
Republicans: 91 for, 108 against.
Over half the Republicans voted no? What happened to the lockstep? Behind the President come heck or high water? Sadly, not enough decided to stay broken with the Prez after the first failed attempt (HR 3997) was voted down:
Democrats: 140 for, 95 against
Republicans: 65 for, 133 against
Interesting numbers.
Senate Numbers:
Democrats: 40 for, 9 against (I am counting Lieberman as a D)
Republicans: 34 for, 15 against
Independent: 1 against,
No Vote: 1 (Kennedy (D-MA))
However, even HAD I been the President that originated the bill, I would have vetoed it! Why? Because the country I grew up in was a Republic! OF the People, BY the People, FOR the People, not Wall Street! Not a sneaky piece of legislation passed as a sudden NEED on the brink of Congress breaking, or the whole economy was going to fall apart. I suggest you read the text of the bill, educate yourself in legalese, because already the whole "point" of the bill has been shifted - the US Government is now going to be buying up stock in banks. Why?
Because the bill allows them to.
We just nationalized our Financial System, My Fellow Americans, and if I was President, I would vote NO!
Er, in the sense that I would veto, since I don't actually have a vote in the Congress (well, except for that of my Vice President in the Senate in case of a tie vote, I will find out what Jill or Coke would have voted regarding that bill).
Vote Ron Paul!
And failing that, Vote Jack!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Can I have 2 Vice Presidents?
I am pretty sure I read somewhere that there is only one Vice President, but why stop there? Lots of companies have multiple Veeps, why not the country? Is the country not good enough to have multiple Veeps? Ridiculous.
That being said, I have chosen my Veep candidate. However, I will release that information at 4:15 am on a date as yet to be named. Via instant message. If you would like to receive the information first, follow my Prez blog! I will let this top secret information out soon, so pay attention and follow me. Just like you're going to follow me to he...a much better future for our country!
That being said, I have chosen my Veep candidate. However, I will release that information at 4:15 am on a date as yet to be named. Via instant message. If you would like to receive the information first, follow my Prez blog! I will let this top secret information out soon, so pay attention and follow me. Just like you're going to follow me to he...a much better future for our country!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Running Mate
Several people have asked who I am going to choose as my running mate. Since I haven't had my convention, nor indeed figured out what party I belong to, I have yet to make that first important choice. I want to make sure I pick someone well known, or maybe not, but at the very least someone who won't drag me down with some sordid backstory that my vetting didn't catch.
So, here is the initial "short list" for my Veep choice.
1. Rabbit
Slogan: "Jack Rabbit '08. Running a 100 acre race in a 2,379,964,800 acre country"
2. Jill (I would prefer Hennessy, but several advisers have suggested Jill Biden might be both more interesting and helpful to the race).
Slogan: (Hennessy) "Jack and Jill '08 - Acting like we have great ideas"
3. Coke
Slogan: "Jack and Coke '08. The best way to make it through the next 4 years."
4. Pepsi
Slogan: "Jack and Pepsi '08. Sweeter than Coke, and not for communists."
5. Daniel Radcliffe (aka Harry Potter). (Seriously, don't click the Daniel link if you have a week stomach or homophobia.).
Slogan: "Jack Daniel '08. Working our magic for you."
So, with all these amazingly qualified choices, it is going to be a tough decision. Once we figure out what party we are, that might make the decision easier. Until then, I remain your loyal candidate.
1. Rabbit
Slogan: "Jack Rabbit '08. Running a 100 acre race in a 2,379,964,800 acre country"
2. Jill (I would prefer Hennessy, but several advisers have suggested Jill Biden might be both more interesting and helpful to the race).
Slogan: (Hennessy) "Jack and Jill '08 - Acting like we have great ideas"
Slogan: (Biden) "Jack and Jill will go up the Hill in '08"
3. Coke
Slogan: "Jack and Coke '08. The best way to make it through the next 4 years."
4. Pepsi
Slogan: "Jack and Pepsi '08. Sweeter than Coke, and not for communists."
5. Daniel Radcliffe (aka Harry Potter). (Seriously, don't click the Daniel link if you have a week stomach or homophobia.).
Slogan: "Jack Daniel '08. Working our magic for you."
So, with all these amazingly qualified choices, it is going to be a tough decision. Once we figure out what party we are, that might make the decision easier. Until then, I remain your loyal candidate.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
My Platform
Welcome to Jack for Prez! Let me tell you a little bit about myself.
My basic platform consists of the following premises:
1. "If you can't trust me, you can't trust anyone."
All politicians lie. I lie. You lie. We all lie. That is basic human nature, and since all things are politics, we all lie. If you can't grasp this simple tenet, then perhaps you should look elsewhere for a candidate.
2. "One World Now!"
It's coming, whether we want it or not. The only question is, which side will you be on, and what shape will it take? How will you help make sure our little patch of dirt has the most influence in the world to come?
3. "I can't be worse than the other guy."
Well? Look, all the presidents of the last at least 30 years have been stooges. I can be a stooge, too! Just remember - it's not what I do in office that matters - it is what the current media remembers that does.
4. "I promise not to lie."
Why do people insist on electing officials who are known to have gone back on their word? Why can't politicians just state what they believe and stick to it? I promise I will never lie about my stand on anything, nor what I intend to do once elected. Trust me!
5. "Strippers. Lots of them."
'Nuff said.
6. "Teamwork has no eyes."
Or is that "I's"? I can never remember how to spell that. But regardless, teamwork takes dedication and a complete abdication of self. Join our side, or not - but just remember, if you join us, forever will we dominate your destiny.
Oh, and a side bar to the saying. Most of our problem countries start with an "I", notice that? Iran, Iraq, Israel, Iceland. Inorth Korea. Ifghanistan. OK, I made up the last one. I say they either get their acts together collectively (sorry Israel, I know you're the beleaguered kid on the block, but you've done your share of antagonizing lately), or they have their I's removed permanently. I will mean business when I'm prez, and I won't take no shinola from noone.
7. "There is no spoon."
Seriously, if you don't understand the quote, I will probably execute you when I;m dictat...er, president. Seriously.
A FINAL THANK YOU
Iwould like to take this time to thank my loyal supporters (both of them) for convincing me to follow this path. I truly believe I can help make a difference, and so can you. Get off your bum, and start taking part in the world around you, even if it seems hopeless. Remember, it's always darkest before it goes pitch black.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for your support.
My basic platform consists of the following premises:
1. "If you can't trust me, you can't trust anyone."
All politicians lie. I lie. You lie. We all lie. That is basic human nature, and since all things are politics, we all lie. If you can't grasp this simple tenet, then perhaps you should look elsewhere for a candidate.
2. "One World Now!"
It's coming, whether we want it or not. The only question is, which side will you be on, and what shape will it take? How will you help make sure our little patch of dirt has the most influence in the world to come?
3. "I can't be worse than the other guy."
Well? Look, all the presidents of the last at least 30 years have been stooges. I can be a stooge, too! Just remember - it's not what I do in office that matters - it is what the current media remembers that does.
4. "I promise not to lie."
Why do people insist on electing officials who are known to have gone back on their word? Why can't politicians just state what they believe and stick to it? I promise I will never lie about my stand on anything, nor what I intend to do once elected. Trust me!
5. "Strippers. Lots of them."
'Nuff said.
6. "Teamwork has no eyes."
Or is that "I's"? I can never remember how to spell that. But regardless, teamwork takes dedication and a complete abdication of self. Join our side, or not - but just remember, if you join us, forever will we dominate your destiny.
Oh, and a side bar to the saying. Most of our problem countries start with an "I", notice that? Iran, Iraq, Israel, Iceland. Inorth Korea. Ifghanistan. OK, I made up the last one. I say they either get their acts together collectively (sorry Israel, I know you're the beleaguered kid on the block, but you've done your share of antagonizing lately), or they have their I's removed permanently. I will mean business when I'm prez, and I won't take no shinola from noone.
7. "There is no spoon."
Seriously, if you don't understand the quote, I will probably execute you when I;m dictat...er, president. Seriously.
A FINAL THANK YOU
Iwould like to take this time to thank my loyal supporters (both of them) for convincing me to follow this path. I truly believe I can help make a difference, and so can you. Get off your bum, and start taking part in the world around you, even if it seems hopeless. Remember, it's always darkest before it goes pitch black.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for your support.
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